Sunday evening, just dropped the boys off at their dad’s. Hanging out with my daughter (who is in from college for the first time in two months), prepping some food and munching on goodies in the kitchen.

There is some lightning picking up outside and I knew we were in for storms.

But then it happened.

The Security System panel beeped loudly with an alert.

I haven’t heard that sound since that day. Since the day (almost 4 years ago now) that our house was hit by a tornado.

The alert on the panel said, “Tornado Warning”. Just what it said back on that day.

And just like that, my chest tightens. It becomes a little harder to breathe.

I start fluttering around. Looking for a live stream weather app on my phone so I can see what is up.

Refresh, refresh…page won’t load.

Takes deep breaths. Finds one that loads and starts watching and pacing.

Daughter is chill. A bit annoyed with me. (My coping mechanism is information and anxiety, hers is avoidance.)

Notices the current radar is showing the rotation pretty much right over where my office is. Seriously? Start hyperventilating a little. Feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Texts a few people. Gathers papers, laptops, dogs & flashlight and we go into our safe room. With shoes on. (ALWAYS HAVE SHOES ON WHEN SHELTERING!)

Obsesses over radar on phone.

Refresh, refresh…page won’t load.

ARGH!

Sitting in the shelter has helped though. Ok, shelter sounds more glorious than it is. I’m really sitting on the floor of our downstairs half bath. But sitting has grounded me. I can breathe again.

I think we have the all clear. For now.

Spends next two hours obsessively looking at social media, not wanting to see the effects, but not able to tear my eyes away. Feeling so terribly overwhelmed for everyone who is climbing over rubble.

Try to go to bed. Another storm hits. Power goes out. Can’t even…

Exhausted.

Not sure this will ever get easier.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is real y’all.

And if you have weather rolling through, and they sound the sirens. Please, please, pay attention. Take cover. Put on your shoes.

And reach out to me if you need to talk. I most definitely have this figured out, but at least we can curse mother nature together.