Nuclear family? What the H-E-double hockey sticks is that?
According to the interwebs, a Nuclear Family is defined as a traditional married couple and their biological children. (Think June and Ward Cleaver with the Beavs and Wally!)
So now that we know the definition, I have a task for you. Stop for a moment and think about all the people you know. Relatives, friends, co-workers, facebook acquaintances, and the like. Now of all those people, what percentage would you say are a part of a Nuclear Family?
For some people the answer is 80 or 90 percent. For others your answer is more like 5 or 10 percent. (There is no right or wrong answer here, just trying to help you form a picture in your head of what that landscape looks like.)
More than likely you know your fair share of people in Non-Nuclear Families – single parent homes, blended family homes, and many more. In fact it is probably more common nowadays to be part of a Non-Nuclear family.
So yours isn’t a Nuclear Family?
Guess, what? Me either! I, myself, am part of a Non-Nuclear family. I was a single mom when I met my now-husband and we have 2 children together. So I get it. I know what it’s like to be a single mom, and I know what it’s like to be a blended family.
So here’s where I get real and and go all Dr. Phil on you:
So yours isn’t a Nuclear Family? So what? So the f* what!
Stop blaming your ex/your ex’s ex/your parents/your enemies/your country/your dog for your circumstances. Stop complaining about how difficult things are and whining about this, that and the other. Cause, how’s that working out for you?
You can choose whether to be a victim or a hero in your own situation. A victim is described as “someone who is harmed or cheated or deceived in some way”. A hero is “someone who is admired for brave acts, fine qualities and courage”.
As a single parent or even as a step parent, you may actually be both of these, but it is YOUR CHOICE which one you choose to define you and which one you present to your children and those around you.
If you are constantly complaining about how hard you have it and griping about someone <pick one: not paying child support, not making visitation, not being an active parent, letting you deal with everything, or ___________> you have chosen the role of victim!
Instead how about you just be a parent. Do the best you can, know you are doing the best you can and if *someone* helps out, great, if they don’t, so what! What good does it do to get wound up? What good does it do to complain and gripe? Other than to make those kids feel like they are between a rock and hard place? Grow up and accept your responsibility without making your kids feel like a sacrifice! Practice what you teach your kids and don’t say a word if you can’t say something nice. Be the hero.
So Yours Isn’t a Nuclear Family?
Get over it.
Life is too short to to be an unhappy victim all the time.
<Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead or possibly the undead, is purely coincidental. So, No, this post is not about you. Any advice given is solely my own and not to be considered sound medical or psychological advice so go somewhere else for that!>